Queen of Tears: How To Avoid A Divorce (K-Drama Analysis)
Baek Hyun-Woo and Hong Hae-In begin the series with their marriage on the rocks and on the brink of divorce. How could they have avoided this?
The highly popular, compelling, and mesmerizing K-drama “Queen of Tears” has captivated fans for its seamless blend of humor, romance, drama, and tragedy. An intriguing blend of themes such as family dynamics, business politics, corporate intrigue, generational trauma, medical advancement and limitations, death, and most importantly and centrally, past and present romance.
The central story of Queen of Tears revolves around Baek Hyun-Woo, a skilled and dedicated lawyer, and Hong Hae-In, the heiress of her grandfather’s corporation Queens Group. Up to the beginning of the series, they have been married for 3 years, with their marriage moving through ups and downs. They began their marriage young, hopeful, and madly in love. However, at the beginning of the series, their marriage is close to its end, marred with coldness, apathy, and non-communication. Their marriage has taken such an unfortunate turn for the worse, that a divorce could be in the future.
The Divorce Agreement
At the beginning of the series, Baek Hyun-Woo is so fed up with his crumbling marriage with Hong Hae-In that he conspires to divorce her, with divorce agreement papers only needing Hong Hae-In’s signature for the divorce to be final. However, as soon as Hong Hae-In receives her grim diagnosis for a rare cancer she is afflicted with, Baek Hyun-Woo hides the divorce papers in a secure safe and does not tell Hong-Hae-In of his intentions. Baek Hyun-Woo initially intended to wait until Hong Hae-In’s imminent death to dispose of his plans for divorce and inherit her wealth, leading to Hong Hae-In never finding out about the divorce papers until much later.
Of course, Hong Hae-In discovering the divorce papers opens up a world of trouble for both of them. However, their problems from the divorce papers, or even the idea of divorce itself, could have been avoided. Of course, Baek Hyun-Woo could have disposed of them when he changed his mind, then re-print the papers if he chose to push through, but of course, this solution will not be considered as the divorce papers are a key plot device.
Possible Solutions to Avoid Divorce
So what should have they done instead, and how did Baek Hyun-Woo and Hong Hae-In get to this tragic point in their marriage? How could all of this drama have been avoided? What could they have done so a divorce wouldn’t have to be considered? Let us look into how they both entered into the space of divorce, and possible solutions they could have and should have tried:
Investigate All Other Alternatives First
Divorce should be the absolute last resort, and not the first choice. Is it possible that they explored other options? Possibly. However, based on the available evidence, it is clear that Baek Hyun-Woo and Hong Hae-In have barely communicated in such an in-depth way in possibly years. Their first mistake was that they allowed their marriage to reach the point where they are stonewalling each other.
It is thus clear that Baek Hyun-Woo rushed to the solution of divorce, without even speaking to Hong Hae-In on other possible solutions. The world is filled with many possibilities, and all people have great potential to change and overcome. Surely two highly intelligent people, who have spent their entire careers trying to find creative solutions for their customers and clients, could have come up with solutions to their marital issues other than divorce. right?
A divorce would never be inevitable if they had explored other options first. They should have spoken to each other and brainstormed solutions to their issues, rather than sweep things under the rug and hope the problems go away. Why? Because problems go away only two ways: when it solves itself, or when you strive to find a viable solution. Problems never just disappear. If you allow the problems and issues to build, the weight will eventually become too heavy to bear, and you will be crushed.
Divorce is never an easy way out, and should never be treated as such. You will cause more emotional problems than solve if you file for divorce. Usually the messiest part of a failed marriage is the divorce process. So wouldn't it be easier to endure the short-term pain of a hard conversation to fix a problem, rather than the long-term trauma of a messy divorce?
Almost any problem in a marriage can be solved if you are creative and persistent enough. So investigate and experiment with other possibilities first before doing what Bae Hyun-Woo did and reached immediately for a divorce.
Communicate The Seriousness Of the Situation
Through their non-communication, Baek Hyun-Woo and Hong Hae-In began living separate lives, to the point that they barely know what the other is thinking. What looks like bland complacency and resignation to their loveless marriage is actually a frustration and deep sadness that neither of them are getting what they need in the marriage.
Sometimes, truths are painful. So painful that neither of them seemed to want to admit that their marriage is headed to a divorce. Rather, both Hong Hae-In and Baek Hyun-Woo put on a public, and even private, facade that they are OK with their circumstances. It is possible that neither of them really saw the seriousness of their problems, or they just didn’t want to admit it to themselves.
When a divorce is imminent, you don’t want to sugarcoat the truth, lest you live a lie and live a life outside of your integrity. The best approach at this point for Baek Hyun-Woo is, of course, not to covertly conspire to obtain a divorce, or to deceive your wife and feign love until her death. The best approach for Baek Hyun-Woo is to confront his wife, with courage and truthfulness, about his thoughts and the dilemma he is grappling with.
A relationship, let alone a marriage, should have a strong emotional and spiritual foundation built on difficult, but truthful and open, conversations. Baek Hyun-Woo should have spoken to his wife about his thoughts, and Hong Hae-In should have also created an environment where those thoughts could be shared, as well as be honest with herself as to the state of their marriage.
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Matthew 19: 4–6
Divorce can occur for a multitude of reasons, and in the case of Hong Hae-in and Baek Hyun-Woo’s marriage, the main reason they are edging the precipice of divorce is because they didn’t communicate the situation to each other, and they didn’t investigate other solutions. A spirit of openness for hard truth is required for a successful marriage. Your partner is not weak, in such a way that they cannot handle hard truths, and you should not treat them as such. Rather, have faith in your partner’s inner strength to face hard truths and to continue working for brighter days in your marriage.
You yourself must also be strong enough to face the hard truths, but also strong enough to persevere through hard times in your marriage. Hard times are transient. Bad feelings are also transient and temporary, given that those feeling are worked through, ideally together. But what is forever are the vows you both took under God, as well as the character of your partner that you fell in love with and committed your life to.
Communicate, live in your truth, always strive to find a way through the dark times, and have faith that your partner will do the same. In this way, you and your partner won’t make the mistakes Hong Hae-in and Baek Hyun-woo made. In this way, your marriage will survive, and you can avoid a divorce.
